He grabbed both my upper arms and dragged me under the spotlight and pinned me against the wall. My arms still in his hold, my body sore physically and emotionally, I dropped and hung my head, wailing profusely.
I couldn't even understand myself, when I tried to get out a few words. He let go of me, and I got up and walked a few feet away from him and began to pace. I just paced for about three minutes.
"I don't understand. I just always assumed saying, 'I love you' meant something. The way he treated wasn't love. He didn't abuse me, he didn't call me out or anything like that. He said he loved me, and I was stupid, and fell too hard, okay? Blame me, yes." I said screaming and crying at the same time. Not at him, to the world, I suppose. I had never screamed before, never like that. It was a powerful scream, and it took alot of power out of me.
"I'd refuse to be that guy that tells you I love you." he said, with the most subtle look on his face.
I looked at him oddly, my eyes began to tear again. It made me feel like no one wanted to treat me right.
"Well, then why are ---?" I started to scream at him.
He suddenly pushed me back against the wall, towered over me and yelled at me, "I"m THAT guy that's gonna SHOW you I love you!"
I immediately thought, "LIE." I didn't compute what he had said to me. It didn't phase me. I only thought about his actions and how he'd pushed me. I ran off down the street. I turned the corner and stopped under another spotlight to clean my glasses. They were drenched from tears falling while I was running.
I dropped to the ground again, my body again, so sore. I leaned my head against the hard, brick wall. I heard his footsteps coming toward me. I raised my knees toward my face and sank my face in between them.
"I can't take anymore lies. I really just can't. As cliche as it sounds, a person can only take so much."
"You don't listen. I've known you for just while now, but I already realized you don't listen well." he said seriously.
I stood up against the wall and said, "Anyone,--- any boy can say that to a girl. Like just the fa---"
He cupped the back of my neck, and pushed his face into mine and kissed me. My lips for the longest have been really sensitive. Even when doing something like brushing my teeth, they'd tickled. And this moment just loosened my entire body. I wanted to open my eyes to even make sure this was real. I could feel him exhale from his nose while our lips were in contact.
"You didn't listen, that's what that is. I just said, 'I'm that guy that's gonna SHOW you I love you. Cause I do."
I stared at him in silence. I had no idea what to say. No one had ever said that. No one had ever showed that much care for me. No one had ever chased after ME.
"...I don't know what to say." I said straight up. I didn't say it in some sappy, love-story way.
"Say you'll let me love you."
I paced forward and back and forward and back into the same spot I was same spot I was before.
"I don't know how to love right now." I said to him.
He turned me around to where he was against the wall & grabbed my waist with both hands and pulled me closer to him and I looked up even more at his soft, flawless face. His chest was touching mine, and this was...odd. Just odd. I've never felt this feeling, I didn't know where it came from, I didn't know how to react. I never felt this before.
It was just odd.
"Anyone can learn to love again."
"I'm afraid to. I've been hurt, and what he was telling me was not love to me. He loved me over the phone, he loved me when we texted each other. He didn't love and at school, or in just in public. And it's embarrassing."
"Baby, I'll show my love for you in front of everyone."
I started to cry again, cause I kept feeling that past hurt. I just felt that, no more could I be loved, just hurt. I couldn't let a possible love in.
"Why are you pushing so hard to want to be with me?"
"Simple. I want to be with you."
I looked up and away into the distance.
"You're gonna hurt me."
"I couldn't even let myself do that."
